toaster-tips

4 out of 5 dentists recommend eating toast or getting toasted…not sure which it was?

Toaster Tip #4

Children say the darnedest things…

Zan:  Now I just need someone to fart so I can try out my gasmask.

Me: You need a fart?

Zan: Yes. Do you have one comin?

Me: No. No I don’t.

Zan: Uhhhh.  You always have a fart!

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Toaster Tip #3 A Public Service Announcement

I have decided to devote a bit of my internet space for an important PSA.  Bear with me.

EWS (Early Waking Syndrome) is an affliction which, if untreated, can alter our daily lives—especially Saturdays and Sundays.  This ILLNESS affects only  children and can be managed with some useful home remedies.

1.  Duct Tape

2.  Large Amounts of Caffiene– if administered early afternoon will produce the required burst of energy  that will then necessitate a deep long sleep.

3.  Benedryl (be careful with this one because 1% of children actually have the opposite reaction–trust me I have seen the results)

4.  Duct Tape

5.  Carb load with starchy snacks before bed. (expensive but it works)

***If all else fails, teach the child how to use the DVR by him/herself and lock your bedroom door.

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Toaster Tip #74

Always check your toaster for little plastic army men before inserting toast. Remember they have serviced our country and deserve the courtesy of a pre-toasting check.

Side note: I have just learned that my 6 year old likes to use the toaster as a bunker for his training missions. Who knew?

Sidenote #2: Just after this happened the 13 year old came downstairs and said, “Oh my God. What is that horrible smell? 6 year old says, “Oh that’s an army guy. Mom melted him. Do you wanna come to his funeral?”

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Toaster Tip #26

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Never make a reservation at a “hotel” that has to include the word BEST in it’s name.

If they have to tell you they are the BEST then….well, maybe they are NOT the best after all.

Here is the story.  We decided to spend the night in GR last weekend.  It was last minute but I was able to book online and reserve a room at America’s BEST Inn.  Awesome right?  Especially when you are travelling with four tired and cranky children. 

We pulled into the parking lot and it was filled with cars(duh, its a hotel) and people.  Just milling around.  Next, a woman comes running up to me and asks for a smoke.  When I say I don’t smoke.  She responds politely, “Yeah right, Bitch.”

Now I know you are thinking, “So, you got back in the car and left.”  No. No I didnt.  I proceeded to walk into the building hoping it would get better.  Wrong.  Fortunately, I saw the room before any money changed hands.

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Stinky. Dirty. Rotten. Ewww. These are all words that came to mind as he showed me into the room. If only the internet had scratch n sniff then you could get the full interactive experience.

As I went running from the hotel while still holding my breath because the stench as so strong, the worker shouted, “you want room?”

When I climbed back into the car, Charlie summed it up nicely.  “Mom, I think this place is called America’s WORST Inn.”

When I got home, I dug a little deeper and found this review…

Do Not Book!
PostedApril 23, 2012
 
I canceled my reservation after seeing the condition of the hotel, hallways and room. This was a flophouse, not a hotel! Renting rooms by the week or month, trash everywhere and broken down vehicles in the parking lot. Expedia needs to remove this “building” from its choices.
 
 
Hmmmm… I guess I wasn’t being overly critical afterall.
 
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